POLL TIME

What happens when you’re unemployed

NOT A DAMN THING! It’s the same thing over and over day after day, sleep until whenever, jump on the computer and look at job posting’s on some website be it jobnoggin, wijobs.com or whatever. There sure isn’t shit out there so I’ve resorted to calling all former employers and see if they need any help or know of someone looking for help. This really sucks, what is even more stupid is I got fired for a stupid reason, having facial hair and having a laptop at work. Well maybe i wouldn’t of had my laptop at work if you’d allow internet access on the computers there, or if it wasn’t so fucking boring there that I had to resort to doing something just so i wouldn’t fall asleep. Ah well, that job sucked anyways. So now I get to sit around and wait to hear from companies I’ve applied with and wonder when my first unemployment check will arrive, hopefully tomorrow or the next day who knows. Let’s see what else has been happening……I still can’t pass the practice test’s to be able to retest for my Microsoft Certification’s and no one will hire me without them so i’m pretty much screwed and stuck in dead end jobs for life. I suck at test’s always have always will. Called the school and they said they aren’t willing to help me with the stuff either so FUCK THEM. I was going to take bartending courses online for only $25 for a 4 hour thing. but I got my last check and couldn’t afford it. I guess I’m a stupid person knowing that the job market is shitty and still didn’t really care that i got fired. I was gonna sue them for wrongful termination but my lawyer advised that it wasn’t a smart thing to do. So guess what I did? I went and talked to a different lawyer LOL. She’s looking into it and to see if I have an actual case or a legit reason to take them to court. Let’s see what else……..Nothin really, been getting bored with the internet lately. I really don’t want to be on here but gotta keep looking for a job. Got a phone call from a friend the other day and he asked “is it normal for a person to say right before he falls asleep, “gee I hope i don’t wake up in the moring?”, um…….not really. I asked what’s goin on and he said he’s just stressed out. I told him as soon as I get a normal income again that him and I would go out for drinks, It seemed to cheer him up. OOOOOOH I found some hilarious stuff on youtube the other day by someone named Jabo0dyDubs. Look him up he does voice over dubs for billy mays infomercails. I can’t stop watching these things. It Makes me laugh everytime. well that’s it for now. i’ll be posting more now that i have the time lol

The Epic Public Restroom Battle

True Story: Battle Asses.

Sorry, I don’t have anything to post about layoffs or politics, but I DO have another story from the Public Bathroom. Enjoy.

You are my arch nemisis. I see you wandering around as I go about my IT Computer Nerd business: Tall. Middle Eastern. Pot Belly. We catch each others eye every now and then and give each other a slight nod. I know you, I know what you do and I am on to your games.

I saw you this morning, we made eye contact. You nodded and took another bite of whatever Death-Ass producing garbage you fuel up on that makes the bathroom, smell like the inside of a dead monkey’s colon, and nodded at me. I got you this time, fucker.

I give you my icey grin and nod back, then hurry back to my office. It’s almost noon, and that’s the time you like to run to the toilet and preform your daily ASS JIHAD on all the people just trying to wash their hands. Maybe in your country there is no commen sense that would tell you that lunch time = hand wash time. People want to get clean and eat, not be fumigated with the high octane liquid shit attack you subjigate them too.

But I got you this time. Yeah fucker I GOT SOMETHING COOKING UP FOR YOU! Two egg sandwiches with cheese. Greasy sausage patties. A couple glasses of Tang. Some leftover Chinese food. A Twix. Root Beer Soda. Some steamed brocoli I had in the fridge. A Hot Pocket with peperonni and cheese. A Chocolate Poptart. And like a cherry on top … a McDonald’s Quaterpounder with cheese.

I never eat this shit, it’s all greasy and fucking nasty, but today is the day I fight back. I go out for a quick mile jog and almsot die. My stomach feels like there are two midgets fighting to the death inside there. I walk back to work, ass clenched tighter than a virgin’s thighs at Church.

Great. The hot chick from next door wants to chat. She assumes the sweat on my face and arms is from running. She doesn’t realize that it’s a cold sweat induced by my severe sphicter trauma. She finally shuts up and I stagger to the Death Ass Arena.

You are there already in your favorite stall: The one right next to the fucking sinks. You stupid, socially retarded fuck. Fine. You have yet to begin your daily purge of Middle Eastern Ass Stew. I enter the stall next to you and drop my pants in preperation of the upcomming battle.

Your opening slavo is fired: A sloppy wet fart with a solid-shot closer. I laugh and show you the power of Advanced American Foodstuffs.

The tuba fart I unleash echos off the walls and shrinks my waistline about an inch. The guy at the urinal laughs as I slap the wall between you and I and say “Back to YOU, Kajid!”. You are silent, I assume you know who I am and that the time has come for us to battle. I know you are summoning your intestinal fortitude for full out war.

You do not dissapoint me.

With a hissing “SSSShhhhhzzzzzzzzz!” you squirt out a deadly spray of ass juice that pollutes the air and makes my head swim. The pisser at the urinal is no longer laughing, he quickly zips up and runs for the door. He did not stop to wash his hands, instead opting to head for the hills. I cover my mouth and nose with my shirt and the black spots dissapear from my vision. My head clears. I am ready.

“AAaaaaaaaRRRRRGGGHHH!” I yell, as I drop Big Tim. That’s short for “Big Timber” … AKA “Mississippi Butt Log”.

Quick-fire farts stutter out of my ass, as I push the monster log from the Shit Dimension into our reality. The beefy, yeasty stench easily overpowers the Indian Ass Gutter oder of your previous attack. Mega Turd hits the water in the bowl with a mighty splash, the reek is that of a dead whale slowly ripening in the hot, tropical sun. I catch my breath and wipe my brow, and start to pat myself on the back. I should have known the battle was not over.

The only thing I can think of is that you must has completly unzipped your ass to your elbow. That’s the only way I could begin to explain the lumpy, creamy splashs falling out of your ass into the toilet. It sounds like you are pouring a gallon of strawberry shake with whole strawberries in it into the shitter. I see the hairs on my arms start to curl from the horrid stench wafting up from under your stall. I shudder and sway on my throne, unsure if I will survive.

I have no choice. I must employ the Deal Breaker. I hunker down and clench my hands together. My fingers twitch and entwine like a nest of snakes, almost like I am running through a series of ancient Ninja Hand Symbols. My feet lift up onto the toes and my legs start to shake.

“You want to play??” I growls. A low moaning comes from my stomach, like a dinosaur calling into a swampy, foggy night. “YOU GOT IT! AAAAAAHHHHHH!”

Like Cloud summoning The Knights of the Round in Final Fantasy 7, I summon the Excalibur of Turd Demons to destroy my enemy. Hot magma-like shit rockets out of my ass, releasing a noxious, sticky cloud of deadly recal perfume. I hear you gag and see your feet shuffle around, but you can’t get away, can you? No. You can’t.

Veins throb on my neck and temples as the turd monster tears itself from my bowels. My lips skin back from my now clenched teeth and I try not to scream. Your roll of toilet paper rolls into my stall. You must have torn it from the wall with numb fingers in an attempt to “Wipe and Scoot”. Too late. MUCH too late!

Oders pound you with merciless fists: Rotten Fruitcake stuffed with boiled chicken assholes. Hammered shit-logs served on a bed of week old white rice. Rosie O’Donnel’s racid crotch farts. The smell of your mom’s dank, hairy Middle Eastern armpits.

Your stall door bangs open and you stagger out. You take three unsteady steps to the door and can barely open it wide enough to slip out. I laugh at you before you leave. “Yeah! RUN, Fucker!” I yell, and laugh again. You say nothing.

It’s all over except for the clean up. Fuck with me again, you shit filled Anal Terrorist. Me and my ass will be waiting.

UPDATE Not Sure What To Think About Tomorrow UPDATE

Some people have asked and been wondering about what happened after the Not Sure What To Think About Tomorrow post so here ya go…….

So that whole day came and during the day not one phone call from her askin where we were meeting or anything, so she blew me off (and not in a good way). But that’s ok I still went out that night with two really good friends and met this other chick while we were hangin out and she seems cool and what not although she seemed alittle odd when we were back at my friends house drinking and my friend put on Grease that was on VH1 classic and that part where Danny is dancing at the school dance with that lady in the black and blue dress well my friend Craig and I started slow dancing with eachother which ended with me and him dry humping on their bed and laughing our ass’ off. When all of a sudden my friend Craig says “ewww i felt your dick on me, how dare you get wood” (FYI i had no wood) to which we both started laughing hysterically and I fell off the bed and to the ground. the rest of the night was kind of a blur, i think i took the girl home and went home to sleep, i’m not sure. I do know that this girl and I have been out twice now and she seems to be really diggin me, although last night she puked on me from drinking to much and not eating LoL but ah well I might call her again I don’t know. So that’s it, i got dissed by the chick i wanted to go out with and met another really cool chick.

A Long Friggen Post Dealing With The Next Couple Of Days

well I just wanted to post this movie cause of this week being Easter Week, ENJOY!

Not Sure What To Think About Tomorrow

So tomorrow i have a date with a very attractive female(i’ll post her pic at the end of this). She works in the parking structure connected to the building that i work at. well this past saturday I got the nerve up to ask her out for a couple drinks. She Totally floored me by saying yes, I wasn’t expecting it I was expecting another in a long line of laughing and hearing “No”. So Monday night just to make sure she wasn’t fuckin with me i straight out asked her if she was and she said no. Now if things go well I don’t know how it’ll work out cause she still lives with in her words “her baby daddy” so that’ll most likely bring a shitload of drama but oh well lol. But i’ll end it here and I’ll give you an update either right after the date or sometime on Friday. wish me luck

Now as promised her picture……

an interesting night at work

well last night i had an interesting night towards the end of my shift(had to stay an hour over to make sure no one got free rides on the office tower elevators that are fucking up), i was talking to some of the cleaners when we noticed a guy wearing sunglasses, a sweater and a pair of shorts. Now this wouldn’t really strike us as strange except it was about 11:30pm and the temp was 11 degrees but with the wind it felt like -6 degrees, so i called over my coworker in case he got alittle out of hand so i walked over to the guy and asked what he was doing in the building and why in god’s name was he wearing shorts in the first week of March(you see in the beginning of march here in wisconsin it’s still colder then a witches titty, but anyways back to what happened) after i asked him that dude just starts flippin out sayin shit like “my father built this building” i quickly replied “is that why the frieght elevator only goes to the 14th floor, cause your dad’s a jackass?” so like any normal person this made the guy a tiny bit upset he started yelling a whole bunch of nonsense and started threatening our lives “you’re all dead, do you hear me? you’re all dead” and then starts acting like he’s holding a gun and shooting us. We laughed at him and told him to go sleep it off somewhere to which he replies “you’re dead bennes you’re dead” which i replied “Elaine? from seinfeld?” so the 3rd shift guy comes walking around the corner and this guy finally walks out of the building, yet decides to stop and yell at us through the doors some more. We couldn’t hear him so all 3 of us started walking towards the door, the guy takes off, we walk outside and have a look around to make sure he left the area. he’s standing at the corner and he see’s us to which he promptly goes back to the air gun firing motion but we had a nice little word added to it, this ass clown yells out “DOUCHE!” and we’re looking at eachother and i say “did he just say douche?” and we started laughing at him hysterically and started walking towards him, and he takes off running like a bat out of hell, and it snowed earlier that day and there was snow on the roads and sidewalks yet. (Guess how this one ends up) yup you probably guessed right, the guy slips and falls flat on his ass, he tries to get up and falls on his face. once he was across the street we went back inside and started laughing even harder and telling the other 3rd shift guard what happened. So now i’m on my way home after work driving down the street and i see this guy walking down the street, i’m having an after work cigarette so my windows down and i yell out to him “DOUCH!” and drive off laughing again. well that’s it, my exciting night at work, what would you do if a crazy man threatened your life? LMAO

don’t know what happened with this post and why all the slashes are in it ah well

Just a test to see if Vids are posting on WP

what happens when you lose a horror movie and what you find while looking for it

So i’m watching the Nightmare On Elm Street movies lately and when i get to the 3rd one i can’t find it, no biggie i’ll look for it later and i move on to the 4th, so today i look for it but still can’t find it but i did however find some old episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000(MST3K) that i had from back when it was on the air. Yes i know it’s not the same thing but it’ll do until i find that damn movie, tomorrow i check the attic for it. Oh btw i did a google search on Nightmare On Elm Street and some webpages came up about they are possibly going to do a remake and that Robert Englund himself said that Billy Bob Thornton will be getting the role as Freddy…..WHAT THE FUCK?!?!?!?! how can it be a Nightmare On Elm Street movie without Robert Englund? Way to ruin a great thing hollywood, you dumb fucks.

first attempt at a wordless wednesday

New Job=New Begginings?

So I had a job interview which would now be considered yesterday considering the time but anyways, all went well they offered me a possition with the company. It’s doing security again which i don’t want to do but it’s something until something better comes along. I need to get caught up on my bills, all the companies have been very understanding and supportive of me during my time laid off which i find to be extremely odd. Well anyways after next monday i probably won’t be on much except my days off until i get use to walking 28 floors of the building i’m going to be working at and the parking structure. It probably wouldn’t be so bad but they tell me i can’t smoke which i think is a complete crock of shit, but i’ll talk to my manager type person since she said i could smoke so i don’t know what’s goin on there lol. i’ll probably have to wait for the people to leave the building for the night considering i’m working the same building that the main office is in. well anyways i’m alittle scared of it cause of all the walking and not having health insurance and being out of asthma meds this should be fun.

Failed attempt at Wordless Wednesday

A Special Treat For Halloween

HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEOPLE

Another Halloween Treat

Happy Halloween Again Everybody

Dracula 1931 Full Movie

MTV’s FEAR episode 1

Happy Thanksgiving

Just a matter of opinion

Not sure where this originally came from or who actually said it but i wanted to share it…..

To all of us who survived the 1930’s, 40’s, 50’s, 60’s and 70’s…..

First, we survived being born to mothers who smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant.

They took aspirin, ate blue cheese dressing, tuna from a can, and didn’t get tested for diabetes.

Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.

We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we too hitchhiking.

As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.

Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.

We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and NO ONE actually died from this.

We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank Kool-aid made with sugar, but we weren’t overweight because,

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the street lights came on.

No one was able to reach us all day. AND we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes, after running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo’s, XBox’s, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD’s, no surround-sound or CD’s, no cell phones, no personal computers, and no Internet or chat rooms…….

WE HAD FRIENDS and we went outside and found them!

WE fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents.

We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever.

We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not poke out very many eyes.

We rode bikes and walked to a friend’s house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just walked in and talked to them!

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team, those who didn’t had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!

The idea of a parent bailling us out if we broke the law was unheard of. They actually sided with the law!

These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!

The past 50 some odd years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had freedom, failure, success, and respoonsibility, and we learned HOW TO DEAL WITH IT ALL!

If YOU are one of them Congratulations!

You might want to share this with others who have had the luck to grow up as kids, before the lawyers and the government regulated so much of our lives for “our own good”.

Kind of makes you wnat to run through the house with scissors, don’t it?

What ever happened to the days like this? when did everything change? when did we become nothing but a bunch of wimps and whiners? will we ever go back to days like this?